p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
