fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
