no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
