before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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