just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
