my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
