You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
