I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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