I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
