Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
