I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
