Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
