You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
