I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
