I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
