I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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