on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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