I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
