Screwed.edu
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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