oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
