your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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