Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
