I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
