no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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