i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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