Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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