hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
