I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
