The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I looked at my own cervix.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
