oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
