Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
