I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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