He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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