OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to walk on stilts...naked
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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