I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
