my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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