she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
