Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
