there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
