Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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