walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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