My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
