So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
