I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
