Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
