Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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