I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
