i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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