Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
