cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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