I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
