we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
