Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
