i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
