after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
