I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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